It was a fun job!  I was still working my Navy job during the day but had started teaching at night.  My first semester went off without a hitch.  My second, however, proved to be a little bit different story.  It wasn’t bad.  It’s just that I had a “Chatty Kathy” who kept disrupting the class and talking over me.  I had NEVER encountered something like this before.  I had taught a lot of classes in the Navy but (even if they weren’t interested) people would at least feign interest.  Not this guy.  I just kept powering through…hoping it would stop.  Finally, in the fourth week, I hit my boiling point when he was not only talking but he was also texting and smirking at me.  I felt my eye start to twitch as I switched into full Commander Mode.  As I opened my mouth to address the situation, what I meant to say (in a very subtle manner) was, “Hey, if you don’t want to be here.  Please leave.”  But, what came out of my mouth (in a VERY militant manner) was, “HEY, IF YOU DON’T WANT TO BE HERE….THERE’S THE F#@KING DOOR!”  A hush came over the classroom (much like as if I had just dropped a turd in the middle of the room) and we ended class shortly thereafter.

There are so many things I did wrong in this situation.  Mainly, I didn’t have the right conversation with the student when the problem started.  I had dealt with many issues like this in the Navy but, in this new environment, I had forgotten the basics of how to have a potentially contentious conversation with people that irritate the ever living crap out of me.  Do you have a person you need to address and are afraid that emotion might overtake you and you bludgeon them with a blunt object?  Here’s how to handle it so you don’t “pull a Chip”:

First, address it early.  Much like a giant zit on your face that is left alone for too long and a light breeze hits it, it’s gonna explode like Mount Vesuvius all over the village and leave a destructive path.  Squeeze it early in order to mitigate the effects.  Pare it down to the core and don’t let it sit there.  Ignoring it makes it a norm for acceptable behavior and will just exasperate the situation later.

Second, start with a question.  I don’t mean ask, “Why did your Mom and Dad (who are obviously brother and sister, choose to reproduce?”  Ask a question that gives the person an opportunity to be heard.  In my case, I could have asked my student, “What do you want to get out of this class?”  That wouldn’t have attacked him and would have  led to a good conversation on how to get there together.

Third, listen to what the person is saying.  Nod your head, make eye contact, and repeat back for understanding.  Easy enough, right?  NO!  Most of the time we’re wanting to be heard first.  We’re trying to listen but all we’re really thinking about is how we’re going to dispose of the body when we’re done. Think about that stuff before or after the conversation but not now…actually listen.

Lastly, lead the conversation where you want it to go.  Again, I use questions to include the person.  I might use, “What do you think about this?”  Or, “How do you think we can do that?”  With my student, I should have (after asking the first question and listening) asked, “Do you think we can work on….” instead of what I said…“GTFO!”

Hindsight is 20/20.  Like I stated, these are things I knew how to do in leading people in the Navy but, in a new environment, I had forgotten some basics.  I still came out okay, though.  Most of the other students thanked me because they were tired of his distractions and the Dean understood (once I apologized and explained the situation).  The rest of use powered through the rest of the semester and had a good time.  I say the “rest of us” because my problem student never came back after my explosion.  But, even then, I wasn’t really too upset…I already knew where I was going to hide the body.