“Hey, I saw you walking up the street talking to someone…but no one was there” the Major said.

Yup, he was correct.  You see, I have this really bad habit of going through potentially contentious conversations in my head prior to having them. The bad part is that I get so into the conversation that my lips move and I (usually) use hand gestures.  On this particular day, I was talking (in my head) to the comptroller on justifying my budget.

Yes, this can make me look a little crazy…walking around, talking to people that aren’t there (no sound comes out, just my lips move).  However, going through every possible scenario before a difficult scene helps me keep my cool and not make a scene.  Further, it’s helped me map out the logical sequencing of events, not leave anything on the table and have that “Man, I should’ve said this!” moment after.

How about you?  Ever get caught off guard and felt unprepared during a difficult conversation?  If so, try having it ahead of time.  When I have it ahead of time, I go through these possibilities.

I think about worst case.  What’s the worst way the conversation can go?  What will I say?  What are my major points and how will I respond when things start going bad?  How am I  going to keep my cool and not make things worse? (I don’t have anger issues but I do have triggers.)

I also think about best case.  If the stars align and manna starts falling from heaven, how will I respond?  What words will I use to express my appreciation?  How do I lead the conversation to best case (i.e. showing the value of my side).

Last, I think about how I am going to close.  Best case or worst case, I want to make sure I leave the conversation on an upbeat note.  I also want to make sure I don’t forget anything so I’ll make a mental note of the follow on things that need to be done.

These are methods I use for being prepared for potentially combative conversations before having them.  Using this method has helped me stay in control of my emotions when my emotions want to control me and keep things on point.  I hope they help you too.  If you do try using them, just try to keep your lips from moving when you have the conversation in your head o (as I’ve started doing) wear your bluetooth earpiece so it looks like you’re talking to someone on the phone (you’ll look less crazy when you’re walking up the street).