“Why do I have to do that?”
“This isn’t fair!”
“This place sucks!”
“There’s nothing good in the vending machine!”
“My boss is a jerk!”

Any of these complaints sound familiar? Maybe they’ve rolled out of your mouth or you’ve heard them in the coffee room from members of your team. Perhaps they’re true or maybe it’s just venting.

Recently, in a coaching session with a new leader that I work with, she was sharing her frustration with me on just these kinds of issues. She felt that she was going out of her way to be fair with her team and, still, people bitched about what they had to do, how they had to do it, or any other thing that was stuck in their craw that day. She felt a little dejected and was fighting the urge to go “off” on them.

We’ve all been there. I know I have. It’s not easy to not take it personally when you throw yourself into serving your team. I get it. But taking it personally can push you into creating a more adversarial atmosphere and creating an issue of (what may be) non-issues.

Here are a few things I’ve learned (the hard way) on dealing with bitching on the team.

Remember, it’s not personal, it’s human nature. Our brain is hardwired to notice what is not right in our world (according to us). It’s part of our survival mechanism. When we notice and comment, it comes out as bitching. As a leader, accept that no matter how great you are or how well you strive to take care of the team, someone is going to bitch about what’s going on or what you’re doing. With acceptance comes peace and the also the ability to not get stuck in the weeds.

Ask yourself, is it merited? Seriously, is there an issue? Take a time out from all of the crap that is going on and put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Sometimes, I’ve been blind to some of the issues around me until I took a really hard look at the dynamics that were at play. If you see an issue, fix it and communicate it. If not, chalk it back up to human nature and keep the press on. But, truthfully, take an honest look. The lies we tell ourselves are the easiest to tell and the easiest to believe.

Ask for solutions. If someone comes to you with a complaint, put it back in their court for a solution. If there is something that can be done, do it. If there’s a work around, work around it together. If nothing can be done, explain the “why” behind it. Some complaints don’t have a solution and people just need to get it out of their system (again, it’s our nature). Empathize, don’t sympathize, get a solution and get on with it.

Find something to rally around. Some of the best leaders I’ve worked with were experts at giving the team a purpose to rally around. It kept us busy and less focused on what wasn’t perceived as “right” at work. It would also bond us as a group. Work with the team to set some milestones around a project or find a group outside of work to help. “The idle brain is the Devil’s playground” (as the saying goes) and that playground is filled with people that bitch. The rally gives less playground for the Devil to build.

I’m like most. I like to be liked and when people complain I can take it personally. DON’T! It may be about you but, more than likely, it’s about something else. No matter what, people will be people and they’ll complain. You can’t control what they do, all you can do is control how you react to it.