I’ll admit it.  I have some hair triggers that push me past the point of good judgement.  I won’t name them and, most of the time, I have a really slow fuse in getting angry but there are some things that give me the crazy brain.  The crazy brain is when you say (or do) something in the moment and later, when calm, you think “Why did I do that!?”

How about you?  Do you have some hair triggers?  Some interaction with another person spurs you to think (or say) things like…

“I can’t believe they did that!”

“I can’t believe they posted that!”

“Don’t they know how what they’re doing is impacting me?”

“I can’t stand the way they do that!”

You’re not alone.  It’s human nature and, quite frankly, it’s doubtful that the person that spurred those thoughts did it intentionally.  Granted, there are some that do go out of their way to be annoying but they are the exception and not the rule.  Further, I’d go as far as to say they didn’t even realize they were being “like that” and haven’t even given it another thought.

Like I tell my coaching clients (and my kids), “You’d be surprised at how much people don’t think about you as much as you think about you.”  So why hang on to it?  Hanging onto it only hurts you.  I know….I’ve been there.  It also degrades productivity and team trust.  I’ve been there too!

What we all need now is a little more grace and a little less anger.  You can call grace by a lot of different names and (in this case) I’m not using it in a religious manner at all.  We could refer to it as cutting someone some slack, turning the other cheek, giving them a pass, forgiveness (or any other phrase) but I really like the word grace.  And, since I’m writing this, that’s the term that I’m going to use.

For me, grace is giving someone the same consideration I would want if the conditions were reversed.

For instance, I have good intentions on finishing tiling the bathroom that I started.  My wife is pretty chill about it being incomplete and never hounds me about getting it done.  I appreciate that (really, sweetheart, I do).  I try to do the same for her when she has five projects going at once and the chaos that surrounds me is toying with my mental equilibrium.  That is giving her the same grace she gives me.

I also can say the wrong thing.  I hold my convictions pretty close and rarely hold back sharing them when a topic is emotionally close.  Further, I think a lot of things are funny that other people don’t.  I’ve been known to say something in jest that has been taken wrong and hurt another’s feelings.  When someone shares their convictions or jests (and I take it personally) I try to remember that I’ve done the same.  That is grace. 

I have also been known to screw the pooch (figuratively, not literally).  I make mistakes.  I can be quick to judge or act without having all of the information.  That can cause a chain reaction of unintended responses that stir emotions in others or hurt feelings.  When I’m on the opposite side of that chain reaction, a little grace for the initiator goes a long way in breaking the cycle.

We live in a very angry world.  All you have to do is turn on the TV, open up Facebook or take a drive and you’ll see (and hear) it.  Wouldn’t you rather hear a little less anger and a little more grace?  I know I would.  It starts with you and it is your choice.  Choose not to hold on.

When my trigger is pulled and I feel my inner anger starting to bubble up,  here’s how I try to invoke that grace. Perhaps it will work for you as well.

Take a Breath.  Seriously, breathe.  Don’t say anything or do anything that you’ll regret when the crazy brain is gone.  Taking a deep breath triggers neurons in your brain that tell you it’s time to relax.

See it from their perspective.  Is that person really going out of their way to hurt you or is it your perception of the situation?  Most people are ignorant to how what they say or do impact those around them.  That doesn’t make them bad people, it just makes them people.  Take a moment to walk a few feet in their shoes.

Ask yourself if you’ve done the same.  Have you been misunderstood?  Have your intentions ever been misconstrued?  Have you ever done something really stupid?  Sure, we all have (me, more than most).

Pull out your grace wand.  This may sound a little crazy but stay with me.  Reach in your pocket, pull out your imaginary grace wand, wave it in the air and say, “I’m giving you grace on that.”  It’s the silliness of the action that really makes this work.  Just thinking about doing this makes me laugh and it’s impossible for two competing emotions to occupy the same place at the same time in your head.  You can’t laugh and still be hurt or angry.  It also helps to imagine yourself dressed up as the “grace fairy” and using your “Glenda the good witch” voice.

Move on.  That’s it.  Move on.  Quit thinking about them because they’re not thinking about you.

Are there things that you can’t give grace on?  Sure there are.  I know what they are for me but only you know what they are for you.  Mine include (but are not limited to): stealing from me, lying to me with intent, hurting my children (and/or grandchildren), actions that show you have no moral compass and eating food off my plate (I’m territorial about my food).

I like things easy.  I strive for a life with low drama, fun relationships, and minimal anger.  But, like I said, I have some things that push me past the brink of good judgement.    I can choose to live in a cesspool of negativity or I can give a little grace and have a little more joy.  What’s your choice?  Pull out that wand and choose joy!

What’s your best grace story?  I’d love to hear it!